I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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