I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
