so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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