Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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