so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
