I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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