I smell stomach acid.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
