Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
