Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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