alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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