If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i now understand why vodka
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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