Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
