And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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