I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
