dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize