We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
