I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Rumble strips road head = magical
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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