I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
