oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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