I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
