Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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