i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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