Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
