i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
