I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my phone needs a breathalizer
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
