I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
