she woke up with a sticky ear
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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