dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
