I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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