I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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