I am spending my child support on dildos
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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