your parents love me but you hate me
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
