sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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