Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
