1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
