i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
we should paint friendship bongs
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