never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize