I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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