Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
