My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
