my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize