I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
