Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
