im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize