oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
