would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize