the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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