At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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