grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
