yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize