we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
