I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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