You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
