Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
