i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
