if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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