The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize