Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
