I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
