Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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