Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
