Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I am available for nakedness
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
