I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
