god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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