I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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