I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
