Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
