I accidentally had phone sex last night
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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