That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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